On February 14th, I started a new journal. It began with a love letter to God and as I read it this morning, I fell for him once more. Without him, I drift. With him, every day is a reason to fill pages with words like these.
“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only son…
Whispers of you are all around – the snow falling softly, softly, softly to the ground. Laughter in a dorm room with bad 90’s pop, markers, and construction paper. Text messages that whoosh off into the stratosphere saying things like there is grace, thank you and how’s life. And somewhere, amid all this noise, sits you. Your touch is gentle as ever and your spirit mildly sweet, kind – patient. Thank you, Jesus, for waiting on my fickle heart.
Thank you for knowing my soul and for carrying it in your pockets, sheltering it from the lies of a broken world and the judgment of my own thoughts. Thank you, Abba, Father, for blessing me with a moment like this on a cold winter night – time spent next to you, conversing as friends, imagining the warmth of your smile and the depth of your laugh – sonorous, rich, from the belly.
God, I have failed miserably to adore you this week. Yet I find myself grounded in your peace and captivated by your love. I am revived by seconds, minutes, hours spent in your company and I offer my heart to you afresh now, realizing my distractions have been many over the past few days.
You, first love, have cherished me from afar and you sweep in now with all the freshness and hospitality of a warm spring rain. Alongside you, I am strong again. Confident again. Selfless again. You are an old friend, my funny valentine, that I can steal away with always. You see the crumbly corners of me and hand me inspiration, truth, and faith – that is the stuff of Jesus glue, putting me back together.
Praise be to you Jesus for patiently sitting, waiting, wishing. My heart needs you, yearns for you…you say, it’s alright, I am here. Regardless of your affection, I will be here. So turn your eyes from the horizontal, from the wild future you want to plan, from all around you, and look up, up, up. Search for my smiling face high up in the sky, filling the heavens with light. You are a child of mine and I love you oh so much. Enough to give my son.
Oh beautiful savior what can I give you in return?
Just yourself, beloved. You are worthy. Because I say so.“
If there can be Christmas in July, then there can be Valentine’s Day in August.